That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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