he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
