my phone needs a breathalizer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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