So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i love accidental penises.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
