1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
