A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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