I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
