He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
