listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I party with great urgency now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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