I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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