Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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