1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
