What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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