Swine flu. Run for my life!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
two words...techno handjob
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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