I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
