Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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