i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
