Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
