During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
pray to the hookup gods
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
