I got her a Nickelback box set.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
