I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
