Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
