the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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