No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
