I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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