We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
