I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
