fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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