she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
