I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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