the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
