The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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