If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
