EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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