so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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