I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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