I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
