Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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