you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
