ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
