just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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