Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
