I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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