the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
