I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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