I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
