i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
