Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
