I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
