ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
