i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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