hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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