Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
