I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
