I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
