Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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