Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
