"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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