Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
