everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
