"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would ride that face into the sunset
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
