After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
