the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I guess Iām only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to āMarilyn Monroeā and āJoe DiMaggioā in their condo
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