So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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