matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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