I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
