just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
