I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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