Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
