my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
