i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
