After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
