If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
honey bunches of taint.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
