Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
