It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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