Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
