Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
