so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She even gives head with a lisp.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
