so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's shark week go big or go home
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
