The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
