even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
