Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
